Bernard, a 72 year old, is bumped by a car while crossing the street. He is seemingly unhurt, but Sarah, his wife, persuades him to go to the doctor, just in case. Bernard returns home, and Sarah says, "So? What did the doctor say?" "The doctor says I got a flucky." "Oh, heavens! A flucky! Terrible! What do you do for a flucky?" "I don't know - he didn't say, and I forgot to ask." Well, by this time Sarah is in a state of high anxiety. She tells her neighbours, "My Bernard was hit by a car, and now he has a flucky! I don't know what to do!" Neighbour #1 says, "In the old country, when someone had a flucky, we always applied ice. Ice is the best thing for a flucky." Neighbour #2 says,

A Japanese doctor says, "Medicine in our country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in six weeks." A German doctor says, "That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in four weeks." A British doctor says, "In my country medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have both of them out looking for work in four weeks." The Canadian doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, "You guys are way behind. We took a woman with no brains, sent her to Michigan where she became Governor, and now half the state is ou

10. If it's wet make it dry. 9. If it's dry make it wet. 8. Always ask for on-call pay before agreeing to overtime. 7. Never tell management what you are really thinking. 6. Never finish report with, "You have an easy assignment". 5. Never say. "This looks like a easy assignment". 4. Don't expect nurses aids to do their job. 3. Don't expect doctors to believe any thing you tell them. 2. If you don't have enough time to do everything, take about 30 minutes to complain about it. 1. If it moves, rattles, shakes, falls down, or won't stay in place, tape it.

A guy walks into a doctor's office. He has a sausage coming out of his ear, a waffle coming out of his nose, and bacon coming out of his other ear. He says worriedly, "Doc, what's wrong with me?" The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."

Doctor, doctor. I think I need glasses. You sure do, sir. This is a flower shop.

Not sure if this is up yet but I haven't seen it so here it goes . . . A 30-year-old man suffers from massive MASSIVE headaches that dominate his life completely and cause him pain almost every single moment of every day. He's been going through this pain since he was around 20 and no doctor has ever been able to help him out in curing the pain though he has tried almost every pain killer, and several surgeries. One day a doctor calls him in to talk. The man expects another prescription of pain meds and what-not so he goes in, but he's shocked to find that this doctor has actually figured out what's wrong. "You see, sir," says the doctor, "You have a very very rare condition where yo

A male teenager went out to his favorite band concert "The Hearts of Heaven". They have very cool songs but their singer's life would end the very next night. The next night, they made their next concert which is in the capital of the teenager's country. It wasn't very far. He went to the concert and enjoyed the songs, but one made him a bit twitchy. It was called "Take my heart out". The song made the teenager go to the singer's house, and take his heart out. All the other band members tried to stop him but he also got their hearts. He put them in a small box. Later the police found out that one of the windows of the house was stained with blood. They went in and took a look. He saw that

A man goes into his doctor's office to learn the results of some tests and immediately the doctor greets him by saying "Well Sam, I have good news and bad news. Which would you like to hear first?" Sam decides on the bad news first and his doctor tells him "Sam, I'm very sorry but you have pancreatic cancer. It's inoperable and you will die within the next 2 months" "That's absolutely horrible! What could possibly be the good news?" "Well you see that beautiful receptionist out there?" "Yeah?" "I'm screwing her!"

How does boodler reproduce? By Fucking Battery's fat-Shit-and-cum filled ass

Doctor, Doctor! I have a virus that makes my left hand constantly butter toast. How can I stop it spreading?

My doctor says I have insomnia, but I'm not going to lose any sleep over it.

A man was having a serious surgical operation. When he woke up, he asked his doctor, "Did it go well?" "It went perfectly." "Then why do I have this headache?" "Oh, that. Halfway through the operation, we ran out of anesthetic."