An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist desk he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name. In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?" All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, "NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YO

The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. "Ever have an accident?" "Nope, nary a one." "None? You've never had any accidents." "Nope. Ain't never had one. Never." "Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?" "Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse, took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I meet one of the young doctors here, I end up dating him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week." "I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter." "NO!!!" exclaimed the nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward!"

One night a man and his wife were lying in bed and she was complaining that his penis was small and asked why he didn't do something about it. The next night thay were in bed and she reached between his legs and gasped, "How did it get so big?" Husband said, "Simple, I went to the hospital and had an operation." The wife replied, "What kind of operation?" The husband said, "I had an addadicktome!"

A man went into his shrink's office and says, "Doc, you have got to help me! Every night I keep dreaming that I'm a sports car. "The other night I dreamed I was a Ferrari. Another night I dreamed I was a BMW. Last night I dreamed I was a Porsche. What does this mean?" "Relax," says the doctor; "you're just having an auto-body experience."

Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You've had an accident involving a train. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Well... The bad news first... Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them. Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news? Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.

I went to the neurologist yesterday, to find out if I still needed to take my medication, right? Well, he goes off on a random tangent about Hershey Park and I'm like, what the heck, I thought this was about me, not a theme park. And so, somehow, he decides that I need to take two pills instead of one, and again, I'm like what the heck, this guy is nuts! And then after he decides this, he randomly decides to check the reflexes in my elbows and my knees and my ankles. I am laughing uncontrollably and my moms looked at me like I was nuts - I still don't know what my reflexes have to do with my migraines.

Q - Why do women have nipples? A - Because, if they didn't, boobs would be pointless

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc, 'Get a hot momma and be cheerful.'" The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'"

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" "No," he replied, "Arthritis."

Doctor: "Does it hurt when you do this?" Patient: "Yes" Doctor: "Well, you shouldn't do it then."