Q: What do you get when you cross an anteater and a monkey? A: I haven't a goddamn clue.

Little Red Riding Hood: "Oh, grandmother, what big ears you have!" Wolf: "All the better to hear you with." Little Red Riding Hood: "Oh, grandmother, what big eyes you have!" Wolf: "All the better to see you with." Little Red Riding Hood: "Oh, grandmother, what big hands you have!" Wolf: "All the better to grab you with!" Little Red Riding Hood: "Oh, grandmother, what a horribly big mouth you have!" Wolf: "All the better to eat you with!" Little Red Riding Hood: "Oh, grandmother, what a big dick you have!"

There was a coconut tree and 4 animals. 1. A Elephant 2. A Monkey 3. A Tiger 4. A Mouse Which one of these animals is going to climb up the tree to get the banana? NONE! "There was a COCONUT TREE" "...the tree to get the BANANA"

Why do you go to a black person's yard sale? To get your stuff back!

Why did the chicken do a poo right in front of a hole on a really busy footpath? Because he wanted people to slip on the poo and fall in the hole.

What do you call a chicken in a shell suit? An egg!

What do you call a chicken? A chicken.

One day a cat was being trapped be a evil dog. The evil dog said"barkity kalis hed resaw miop gas." The cat said "has that going to break the spppeeel?" Then the dog let the cat out. The next day, the cat trapped the dog. Then it happens every day with thhe same words.

In the morning elephants put springs on their feet and jump around the jungle. Now the most fearsome sound to a monkey is "Boing Boing"

Two mice were waiting for the right time to get out of their mouse hole, because a cat was meowing on the other side. After a few minutes, the meowing stopped and was replaced by the "woof, woof!" of a dog. Thinking it was okay to come out, the mice crawled out of their hole and were pounced on by the cat. After its meal, the cat said, "I always knew learning a second language would come in handy."

This guy at work argued with everybody that his pink oxford shirt was actually "salmon." Finally, human resources brought in a grizzly bear to settle the dispute.

How do you know if you have the swine flu? You wake up in pigtails and then break out in rashers!