Q: Did you hear the story about the peacock? A: It's a beautiful tail.

Upon retirement, Dave had realized that he had poured himself into his work his entire life and never married. After spending a few weeks at home alone he decided that he needed some companionship and headed for the pet store. After looking around the store he thought that he would like to purchase a bird. He began looking at the selection available and noticed that one bird sold for $100 and the bird in the next cage was priced at $10,000. He looked and looked and studied the two birds, but he could not tell the difference, so he called over the store owner and asked him to explain. The owner said, "The $10,000 bird is a perfect bird and the $100 bird is just the average everyday bird.".

Q: What's the difference between a rabbit and a cow? A: One's a rabbit and one is a cow

A man settles into his seat on the plane, when another man sits down and puts his black Labrador Retriever in the seat next to him. The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why he is allowed on the plane. The second man explains that he is a DEA agent and that the dog is a "sniffing dog". "His name is Sniffer, and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work." Once the plane has taken off and levels out, the agent says, "Watch this." He tells Sniffer to "search". Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for a several seconds. Sniffer then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the age

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The owner says, "How about a dog?" The man replies, "A dog? That's so ordinary! And a dog can't do everything!" The owner says, "How about a cat?" The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!" The owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it -- a centipede!" The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything. But, okay ... I'll try a centipede." He gets the centipede home and says to it, "Clean the kitchen." Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and it's immaculate. All the dishes and silverware ha

Why are llamas big and brown? Beacause if they were small & grey, they would be mice.

What is black & white an red all over? A penguin holding its breath!

What does the male centipede say to the other male centipede when a female centipede walks by? That's a nice pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs.....

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes. "Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich." *** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold. "And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess." *** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman. "Your third wish?" asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. "Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks. *** POOF *** There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyo

Q: What's the difference between a black owl and a white owl? A: White owl: Who who Black owl: Who that who that

Q. Where does a fish like to sleep? A. In a river bed!

Want to know a dirty joke? A white horse falls into a mud puddle. Wanna know a clean joke? The horse takes a shower.