A male blue whale, can ejaculate 40 gallons of sperm during sex. Only 10% of that will get to the female. The other 36 gallons is left in the sea. No wonder the sea's so salty.

How do you catch an elephant? Dig a hole, put peanuts around it, fill it with ashes and when the elephant goes to eat the peanuts, kick him in the ash hole.

Dave had obtained a new hunting dog and was raving about it to his colleagues at work endlessly. The dog could do this, the dog could do that, the dog was amazing, etc. Finally, after three weeks of listening to this, Dave's coworkers demanded to go on a hunt with Dave and his dog so they could see the dog in action for themselves. The following weekend, they all went duck hunting in the fields and after the sun rose, Dave turned the dog loose to hunt. The damn dog was gone for three hours and everyone, including Dave, was getting anxious about what had happened to the dog. Finally, the dog comes romping into camp with a stick in its mouth and immediately jumps on Dave's leg and started h

Billymac: "Those there are award winnin' cows." BubbaJr.: "What'd they do?" Billymac: "They're outstandin' in their field"

What do you call a dog without legs? It doesn't matter - he won't come, anyway.

Q: Why do people have small dogs? A: So they can carry them in their bags, and when the person farts, they can blame it on the dog.

Where do cats go to find their tail? The retail store.

So two farmers are standing next to a cow and one farmer says: 1st guy: "Hey Larry, you know how your birthday's tomorrow?" 2nd guy: "Uh huh." 1st guy: "I made a cake." 2nd guy: "Uh huh." ......*long pause*...... Cow: "Hey Larry, you know how your birthday's tomorrow?" 2nd guy:"Uh huh." Cow: "I made a pie." 2nd guy:"Uh huh."

Q.) Why did the dog go to court? A.) Because it got a barking ticket.

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? A: Because the chicken had the day off!

One beautiful morning, a husband and wife decided to go for a drive in the country. Unfortunately, no matter which road they took, they kept seeing dead possums lying on the shoulder. After several miles of this, the husband turned to his wife and said, "Now I think I know the answer to the age-old question 'Why did the chicken cross the road?'" "What is it?" she asked. "Well," he replied, "it was to prove to the possums that it could be done."

Two cows were in a field grazing. First cow says, "MOO." Second cow says, "You asshole, I was gonna say that."