What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef!

What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence? Utter destruction.

Did you hear the one about the Polish wolf? He chewed off three legs and was still caught in the trap.

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"

A veterinarian surgeon had a bad day, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals, his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner. After dinner, they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed. At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang. "Is this the vet?" asked an elderly lady. "Yes, it is," replied the vet, "Is this an emergency?" "Well, sort of," said the elderly lady, "There's a whole bunch of cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating, and I can't get to sleep. What can I do about it?" There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then patiently replied, "Open the window and tell them they're wanted on the phone."

What do you call a donkey with one leg? A wonky donkey What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye? A winky wonky donkey What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye making love? A bonky winky wonky donkey What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while breaking wind? A stinky bonky winky wonky donkey What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes? A honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes and playing piano? A plinky plonky honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey What do yo

Two cows were standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, straight up, no bull!"

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam".

What do you call a blind deer? No idea (no eye deer.) What do you call a blind deer with no legs? Still no idea! (not moving [still] no eye deer)

A duck walked into a store one day and asked the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk said, "No." So the duck walked out and came back the next day and said, "You got any grapes?" and the clerk said, "No." So the duck walked out and came in next time and said, "You got any grapes?" and the clerk said, "No, and if you come in again and ask if we have any grapes, I'll staple your feet to the floor." So the duck walked out and came in again and said, "You got any staples?" the clerk said, "No..." so the duck said, "You got any grapes?

A burglar had just broken into a house and was stealing anything he could get his hands on. Then he heard a voice. It said, "Jesus is watching you." Thinking its in his head he continues on his business. Then he hears it again, "Jesus is watching you." The burglar not very religious but still scared says, "Who are you?" Then he flipped on the light not caring if he was caught by the house owners. All he sees is a parrot in the corner. The parrot then says, "Jesus is watching you." The burglar asks the parrot his name. The parrot replied, "Satan." The burglar laughs and says, "Who would name their parrot Satan?" The parrot says, "Same person who would name their rottweiler Jesus."

A horse walked into a bar. The barman said, "Why the long face?"