A man walked into a curio store and was shopping around. After awhile, a golden rat interested him and he went to purchase it. "That'll be $20 for the rat and $1,000 for the story behind it," said the shop owner. "Thanks, but I'll just take the rat for $20 and leave the story". He bought the golden rat and left the store. While walking down the street, he saw all sorts of rats following him. The further he walked, even more rats came. He went down to the docks and still more rats ran out and followed him. So he walked out into the water, and all the rats drowned. He returned to the curio store soon after. "Sooo," said the proprietor. "You've come back for the story, I thought so!" "No

A man arrives at his laywer's funeral and and was very dismayed by the presence of this one person. He turns to the people around him. 'Why are you all at this man's funeral?' A man turns towards him and says, 'We're all clients.' 'And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching.' 'Huh? No, we came to make sure he was dead.'

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first" she said. "What does your mother do all day?" Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor." "That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?" Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman." "Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?" Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy works in a topless bar!" The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation. Bil

Why do they bury lawyers 10 feet below ground instead of the usual 6? Because deep down, they're not so bad!

Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, each of the three lawyers buys a ticket while the three engineers buy only one ticket. "How can the three of you travel on one ticket?" asks a lawyer. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. Aboard the train the lawyers take their respective seats while all three engineers cram into the restroom and squeeze the door closed behind them. When the conductor comes around collecting tickets, he knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The lawyers are impressed with this cl

A successful, wealthy and very arrogant bigshot city lawyer and a redneck got into a car wreck on a hot summer day. The lawyer got out of his BMW and the redneck got out of his pickup to survey the damage, and the redneck realized he was at fault... "YOU STUPID REDNECK!" shouted the lawyer, looking with contempt at the redneck in his dirty overalls. "Now how am I gonna get outa this?" though the redneck to himself. Then he had an idea... After looking over the handsome, impeccably dressed and dignified city lawyer in his $2,000 navy blue pinstriped suit, carefully knotted red silk tie, starched white shirt, silver cufflinks and black dress shoes polished like mirrors, $1,000 briefcase

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him. The Devil told the lawyer, "I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners." The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, "So, what's the catch?"

Two lawyers were in a coffee shop talking. One of the lawyers names was Thomas Ulaiy (A-lie). After a while their conversation became rather morbid, and they started to talk about what they were going to have on their tomb stones. Thomas said the he wasn't going to have his name put on his tomb stone, instead he was going have "Here lies the body of an honest lawyer!", he said enthusiastically. "Why are you going to have that?" asked his friend. "Well", said Thomas, "When people are walking through the cemetery, and they see... 'Here Lies The Body of an Honest Lawyer', they'll say "Yeah, that's Ulaiy".

Q: Do you have any children or anything of that kind? Q: Please state the nature of your relationship to the minor child? A: I'm his mother. Q: And you have been so all of his life? Q: What is the meaning of sperm being present? A: It indicates intercourse. Attorney Q: Male sperm? A: That is the only kind I know. Q: Doctor, as a result of your examination of the plaintiff, is the young lady pregnant? A: The young lady is pregnant ? but not as a result of my examination. Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?" A: "No." Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?" A: "No." Q: "Did you check for breathing?" A: "No." Q: "So, then it is possible that the

A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak accident. So when they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that, unfortunately, heaven is overcrowded, so they each have to answer a question correctly for admission. The teacher is first, and St. Peter asks, "Name the famous ship that was sunk by an iceberg?" "Phew, that one's easy," says the teacher, "The Titanic." "Alright," said St.Peter, "you may pass." Then the thief got his question: "How many died on the Titanic?" The thief replied, "That's a toughy, but fortunately I just saw the movie. The answer is 1500 people." And so he passed through. Last, St. Peter gave the lawyer his question: "Name them

What do you call 100 lawyers jumping out of an airplane? Skeet

Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all!"