What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall? He breaks his nose.

What's faster than a speeding bullet? A jew with a coupon.

What's a Black Priest called? Holy Shit!

A girl named Zoey goes up to an artist and asks him to paint a picture of her face. "But Miss Zoey, if I paint a picture of your face then I can never be an artist again." "Why?" she asked. "Because if I look at your face too long, I will go blind."

Why did the moron stare at frozen orange juice? Because it said 'concentrate.' Did you hear about the moron that got an AM radio? It took him a month to realize he could play it at night! What did the moron say when he put a quarter in the parking meter? Hey! Where is my gumball? Why did the moron tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills! How do you drown a moron? Put scratch-n-sniff stickers at the bottom of the pool! Why did the moron climb the glass wall? To see what was on the other side! Why can't morons dial 911? They can't find the 11 on the phone!

Jack and Joe are in a diner where there's a computer who gives advice to the people in the diner. Jack starts talking about how the two are going to graduate from high school when a young boy walks in. He explains his problem to the computer, which gladly offers him advice. The boy walks out happily. The computer comes over to Jack and Joe. Joe asks, "Hey, how come you never help us with our problems?" The computer answers, "I'm just a computer. I'm not a miracle maker."

Tommy was dying. His wife was with him, standing next to his bed. As he was drawing his last few breaths, he gasped, "Helen, I have one last request." "Of course, Tommy, what is it?" Helen asked softly. "Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Louis." "But I thought you hated Louis," said Helen. With his final breath, Tommy said, "I do."

Bernie has been ill for some months and then suddenly dies. As is the custom, his wife Sadie puts an advert in the 'deaths' section of the Chronicle, but this advert is slightly unusual – it states that Bernie died of gonorrhoea. Immediately, a close friend of Bernie rings Sadie to complain. "Sadie," he says, "you know full well that Bernie died of diarrhoea, not gonorrhoea, so why did you word the advert incorrectly?" "I looked after Bernie day and night for over 3 months," replies Sadie, "so of course I know he died of diarrhoea, but I thought it would be better for people to remember Bernie as a great lover rather than the big sh*t he was."

What's a Mexican called when he's covered in dirt? A churro

One professor says your IQ measures how much you know. A scientist says your IQ measures how much information you are capable of learning. All I want to know is how long it will take me to get with your sister. I mean DAMN!

I heard you tried to apply to work at a candy store. But they turned you down saying they already had enough air heads. Were you fat when you were born? Cause i think it all went straight to your head. Most people think outside the box. You still haven't figured out how to get in.

People from Mensa are said to understand any jokes without the need of any explaination. Meaning Mensans will be able to understand this joke here, though it is limpid that there aren't any to be contemplated.