A newspaper columnist was found guilty and fined for calling a countess a cow. When the trial ended and the man paid his fine, he asked the judge, since it was now clear he couldn't call a countess a cow, could he call a cow a countess? The judge said it was all right to do so. Whereupon the newspaperman turned to the countess in the courtroom, bowed elaborately, and said, "How do you do, Countess?"

yo mama and daddy r so fat, half the world went to ur mom, the other to ur dad.

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time in reading it." - Moses Hadas.

A professional photographer, at a friend's house for dinner, was asked to show his portfolio from a recent overseas trip. His friends were quite impressed. "What wonderful photos!" said the host's wife. "You must have a very expensive camera." The photographer just smiled and waited until after dinner, when he said, "Thank you for the delicious meal. You must have very *expensive* pans!"

Osama bin Laden and one of his followers were riding on a camel when they stopped at a small town. Bin Laden gets off the camel and lifts up its tail and looks at the camel's butt. Just then a guy comes over and says, "What are you doing?" Osama replies, "About 2 miles back I heard someone say, 'Hey, look at the two assholes on that camel."

What's Hitlers least favorite planet? 'Jewpiter'

How do you get 100 jews into a car? Throw a quarter in it. How do you get them out again? Tell them Hilter is driving.

A man walks into a restaurant, and asks the waiter: Man: Waiter, how much is a cup of coffee? Waiter: 50 cents, sir. Man: How much are refills? Waiter: They are free. Man: That's nice, I'll have a refill, please.

How do you know you have a queer Jew? He likes money more than girls.

Have you heard about the Jewish sports car? It stops on a dime, then picks it up

Whats the object of Jewish football? To get the quarter back.

Why did the Jews walk around the desert for 40 years? They heard that someone dropped a quarter