A truck driver was going south on I-75, when he came upon a weight station. When he pulled in and got on the scales to be weighed, the scale master told the driver that he was 900lbs. over weight. The truck driver replied, "I can take care or that." The scale master asked he how could he fix the problem? The driver said, "Let me go around back, and I'll fix the overweight problem." The scale master agreed to let him fix his problem. About half an hour later the truck driver got back on the scales, and the scale master said, "Driver, you are still 900lbs. over weight." The truck driver said, "I don't understand what went wrong. I let 50lbs. out of each tire on the rig." After thinking the pro

A good-looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said, "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, "What's your name?" The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian." The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name." "I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever." The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO

This Australian truck driver is looking for a long distance driving job in Adelaide. He gets offered a job driving a load of bowling balls to Darwin. He's not too keen on this, but he needs the money and so takes off. A while along the highway he sees two Aborigines with a bike, in the middle of nowhere, so he stops and asks if they would like a lift. They say OK. The truck driver says, "All right, hop in, but you'll have to ride in the back." A 100 km down the road he stops at a truck stop, which amongst other things, involves a load inspection by the local cops. He is asked where he is off to and he says, "Darwin". The cops go round the back, open the doors, slam them shut quickly and rush

1. Send us out to cash your checks and buy stamps in all weathers. Walking is exhilarating and as we sit down all day, the exercise does us good. 2. Do walk out of the office without telling us where you are going or how long you might be. We enjoy telling people who wish to contact you urgently that we have no idea where you are or when you will return. 3. When dictating, please parade up and down the room and practice your golf strokes, or better still, walk out of the room. We can understand what is said more distinctly. 4. Please lower your voice to a whisper when dictating names of people and places. Under no circumstances spell them to us. We are sure to hit the right way sooner or

A man boarded an airplane in Sydney, Australia, with a box of crabs. A female crew member took it and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator, which she did. Shortly before landing, she couldn't remember who gave her the package, so she announced to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in Sydney please raise your hand?" Not one hand went up, so she took them home and ate them herself!

The policeman stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Columbia," she said. The cop put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well, OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."

Joe: What are you doing? John: Taxes. Joe: Why? John: Because I have to...... Joe: That's stupid. I did mine over a year ago.

A friend of mine was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission. Repeated requests for repair brought only promises. After several days, the phone company was again contacted and told that there was no longer a rush. The phone was now working fine - except that all money was being returned upon completion of each call. A repairman arrived within the hour!

Sign in restaurant window: "Eat now - Pay waiter."

The song, "Yankee Doodle" was originally sung by British soldiers to insult the colonialists (which was typical of the British in those days). The Continental Army took to singing it to annoy the British (which was typical of the colonialists).

How many Price Chopper employees does it take to wash a table? Three; one to wash it and two to supervise.

Buy company, fire them. Beware of machine guns.