Confucius asks: "If a train station is where the train stops, and a bus station is where the bus stops, what is a work station?"

Albert Einstein was getting bored with making the same speech over and over again at different meetings, so one night, after a long day, his chauffeur jokingly said, "I've heard your speech so many times, I know it word for word! Why don't you take the night off and let me deliver the talk this evening?" Einstein agreed. When they arrived at the venue, Einstein put on the chauffeur's uniform and hat, and sat at the back of the hall while the chauffeur took his place on the podium, effortlessly delivering the speech, then inviting the audience to ask questions. He convincingly answered the first few, but then one pompous man stood up and asked a very difficult question on his theories of re

Three men were at a business convention where they were discussing cars. One man said, "I am an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn." Another man says, "I am a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort." The last man speaks up saying, "Well, I beat both of you - I am a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe!"

Jerry Jones applied to a debt-collecting agency for a job, even though he had no experience. He was very intense, so the manager gave him a tough account with the promise that if he collected, he'd get the job. Two hours later, Jerry returned – with the full amount! "Amazing!" said the manager. "How on earth did you manage that?" "Easy," replied Jerry, "I told him that if he didn't pay up, I'd tell all his other creditors he'd paid us."

10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen." 9. "This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to." 8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time!" 7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm." 6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance." 5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?" 4. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem." 3. "The coffee machine is broken." 2. "Someone must've

A woman just got a new job and her co-workers told her her first assignment: to fire the janitor, Don. The woman was very nervous about doing this, so she decided to get it over with fast. She marched up with her head down and said to the man, "I'm sorry, but you're fired!" Her co-workers who were watching suddenly started laughing out loud. She looked at the man she fired and he said, "I don't think you have the right to fire you boss!!!"

The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, except one girl, laughed uproariously. "What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you got a sense of humor?" "I don't have to laugh," she replied. "I'm leaving Friday."

After the last teacher quit, a new teacher was hired. On her first day of work, she saw "AAFTWC" on the board. "What is the meaning of this?" the new teacher asked. A white kid stood up and replied, "An apple from the white children." On her second day, the teacher walked in, and saw "AOFTBC" on the board. She asked who wrote it and what it meant. A black kid stood up and said, "An orange from the black children. On the third day, the teacher almost fainted when she saw "F***1T" written on the board. "THAT'S IT! WHO WROTE THIS, AND WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!?" A Mexican stood up and told her, "From us chicano kids, 1 tamale."

Three contractors are at a theme park to bid for a job repairing fences – one is from New York, one from Texas and the third from Florida. First to bid is the Florida contractor. He measures up and says, "Well, I reckon we'll do the job for $900. That's $400 for materials, $400 for the men, and $100 for me." Next is the Texan, who measures up and says, "I'll do the job for $700, that's $300 for materials, $300 for my men, and $100 for me." The man from New York doesn't even stand up. He says, "$2700." The park owner, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure the job! How did you arrive at that price?" "Easy," says the New Yorker. "$1000 for you, $1000 for me, and we hire the Texan."

In most offices, the photocopier is out of order every now and then. One copy repairman had answered question after question for the employees. Finally one day, he just smiled and handed them this sheet. The copier is out of order! Yes, we have called the service man. Yes, he will be in today. No, we cannot fix it. No, we do not know how long it will take. No, we do not know what caused it. No, we do not know who broke it. Yes, we are keeping it. No, we do not know what you are going to do now. Thank You

"I finally got my boss to laugh," said one friend to another after work. "Oh, how?" "I asked for a raise!"

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?