THE COMMON FART The Common Fart is the fart heard most often. It is a very close relative of the "Ripper", but is released with less force. It is usually heard in groups where people aren't yet comfortable with farting amongst each other. Therefore, one person in the group gets up some nerve and releases this common-sounding fart in such a manner that everyone now feels comfortable with group flatulence.. Usually there is no smell with the Common Fart. THE ANXIOUS FART The Anxious Fart is let in a place where someone does not want the fart to be heard. You may have seen men and women in book stores or grocery stores, or even on the street, letting these farts. They are generally cont

Reacting to Federal guidelines, the State of FLORIDA, which has been highlighted as a role model for student testing by the Bush Administration's Dept. of Education, has redesigned and just released a new comprehensive test to be given to all students beginning in the spring of the 2004-2005 school year. In response to President Bush's Federal No Child Left Behind Act, students will have to pass it to be promoted to the next grade level. In the hopes that it will be uniformly adopted by all the states, it will be called the Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test or (FART). All students who cannot pass a FART in the second grade will be retested in grades 3, 4, and 5 until such a time as they

Daddy: Get the Nuts son Bobby: Yes Dad Daddy: Ouch!

The Poop Name List __________________________________________________ The Perfect Dump- Every once in a while, each of us experiences a perfect dump, it's rare, but a thing of beauty in all respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless grace of an expert diver. But that's not the end of it. You use some toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right with the world and you are in perfect harmony with it. The Beer Dump- Talk about nasty dumps. Depending on the dumper's tolerance, the beer dump is the end result of too many beers. it could have

Did you ever have to fart, on a bus, or an airplane, or in some public place, but hadn't been farting all that day? So you didn't really know the nature of the beast, you only knew there was LOTS of it! In a situation like that, what you have to do is to release a test fart. You have to arrange to release, quietly, and in a careful, controlled manner, about 10 to 15 percent of the total fart in order to determine if those around you can handle it! Or if in fact you may be about to precipitate a public health emergency! When releasing a test fart, it is often good to engage in an act of refuge such as reaching for a magazine. "Sayyy, is that Golf Digest?" *FART!* You think, "Ah, that was

Ever been to KFC? Ever notice that sometimes their toilets do not provide toilet rolls? Reason being that they uphold their motto: "It's finger licking good!"

A young cowboy walked into a seedy cafe in a small town in western Oklahoma. He sat at the counter and noticed an older cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a bowl of chili. After about 15 minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asked, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?" The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner states, "Nah, go ahead." Eagerly, the young cowboy reached over and slid the bowl over to his place and started spooning it in with delight. He got nearly down to the bottom of the bowl and noticed a rotten, dead rat in the chili. The sight was shocking and he immediately puked u

What's grosser than gross? When you find a used tampon in your ketchup bottle.

What's grosser than gross? When you're eating a bowl of rice crispies and one gets up and slithers away.

Two friends were talking. The first one said to the other, "Hey, have you seen the movie, "Constipated" yet?" The other replied, "Of course not! It hasn't come out yet."

Q: What do you do when your nose goes on strike? A: Pick it.

One drunk to another: "Have you ever been so drunk you'd kiss a woman's stomach?" Second drunk: "I've been drunker than that!"