A man walks into a hotel and asks for a room. The guy behind the counter tells him that there is one room left but it is haunted. The man gets the room anyway. That night he hears in a soft voice "If the log rolls over we`ll all die!" He runs away. The next day a father and his daughter get the room after they were told that it is haunted. That night they hear "If the log rolls over we`ll all die!" The girl hides under the bed as the father follows the sound to the bathroom door. He opens the door. There on the ground is a bunch of ants staring at a turd saying, "If the log rolls over, we'll all die!"

A man walks into a hotel and asks the man for a room. The clerk says, "There's only one room left, and it's haunted." But the man says, "I'll take it!" That night he heard the ghost. "I'm the ghost of Teeny Weenie! Stay here and I'll take your weenie!" and the man ran out of the hotel as fast as he could. The next day, another man needed a room. The clerk again said, "There's only one room left and it's haunted." The man said,"I'll take it!" That night he heard the ghost. "I'm the ghost of Teeny Weenie!" he chanted. "Get out of bed or I'll take your weenie!" and he too ran out of the hotel as fast as he could. The day after, another man came in needing a room. The clerk said for the third ti

A guy walks into a strip club and sees a really pretty girl right in front of him. He goes up to her and asks, "Hey, Honey, want to come home with me?" She says yes. They go back to his house that night and they have sex. Throughout this whole time he hasn't been able to see her properly. When she rolls into the moonlight, he caught a glimpse of her. "What, the...! What are you doing here?" He had just realised that he was in bed wth his mother-in-law!

I slide to first. I feel like I'm going to burst. Diarrhea, diarrhea. I slide to two. My pants are filled with goo. Diarrhea, diarrhea. I slide to third. I dropped a runny turd. Diarrhea, diarrhea. I slide to home. My pants are filled with foam. Diarrhea, diarrhea. First its in the pants, then its on the floor. I make a 20 yard dash to the bathroom door. Some people think its funny. Its coming out back runny. Well, diarrhea.

*The Poopie List* GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet. CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper. WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains. SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more. POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke. LINCO

During an hour's swimming at a municipal pool you will ingest 1/12 liter of urine. In an average day your hands will have come into indirect contact with 15 penises (touching door handles, etc.) Remote controls in hotels are the worst! (Always carry your Lysol spray!) An average person's yearly fast food intake will contain 12 pubic hairs. In a year you will have swallowed 14 insects -- while you slept! Annually you will shake hands with 6 women who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands. Annually you will shake hands with 11 men who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands. In a lifetime 22 nosey workmen doing work in your home, will have examined the

If your uncle Jack was stuck on a roof, would you help your uncle Jack off?

There once was a women who bought a new house but didn't know what to name it. So she stuck her head out the window and heard Hairy Butt! So she decided to name the house Hairy Butt. Then sometime later she had a baby boy but didn't know what to name it, so she stuck her head out the window and heard the word Crack, so she named her son Crack. The next day she lost her son so she called the police and said "Help! I looked all over my Hairy Butt but I can't find my little Crack.

There was a man who had problems with his penis getting hard. So he went to a doctor and said,"Doctor, can you please help me?" The doctor said,"Well we can put on replacement penis." There was a wood one, a metal one, and a 20 foot penis. The man said,"Yes, that will really help.. I'll take the wood one." The doctor told him to come back the next day to let him know how he liked it. The next day he came back and said,"Doctor, the wood penis is giving my girlfriend splinters and we can't have that." The doctor said,"Well, try the metal one and come back and tell me how it works." The next day he came back and said,"Doctor, its not working right. It's too cold for my girlfriend." The d

There lived a Chinese and an American in a hotel. One day, the Chinese felt thirsty, so he decided to get a drink of water. So he went to the public refrigerator, took a can of coke, and drank it. Then he wanted to go pee, so he peed in the can, closed the cap, put it back in the fridge, and hid in a corner. The American came a few minutes later. He took the can, took a sip, and then the Chinese man popped out from his hiding place and said: "Me Chinese, "Me play joke, "Me go pee-pee in your coke!" *SOCK*

Which comes first, Ben-Gay or Preparation H? Ben-Gay. After you have been gay, you'll need the Preparation H.

An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viagra. The doctor said, "That's no problem. How many do you want?" The man answered, "Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces." The doctor said, "That won't do you any good." The elderly gentleman said, "That's all right. I don't need them for sex any more as I am over 90 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."