A man called the gorilla exterminator because a gorilla was in the tree in his front yand. When the exterminator came he had a gun, a stick, and a dog. He explained that he would climb the tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until it falls from the tree. "Then my dog will bite his testicles off." The guy suspiciously asked, "What is the gun for?" The exterminator replied, "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, then you shoot the dog."

Why did Michael Jackson cover his body in cheese spread? Because kids will do anything for the taste of Dairylee.

This lonely little boy was sitting at home, and he recently discovered the noises and smells that can emit from his body in the form of a fart. So the bored little boy decided to travel the world looking for the best fart, He went to Canada and realized that the cold temperature caused the farts to be really short. He went to Mexico and realized all the spicy foods caused really uncomfortable farts. All other parts of the world had interesting farts but not what the boy was looking for. Feeling that he failed, the boy went back home after his yearly trips around the world, only to walk in on his mom bending over into an oven attempting to pull a cake out. In the middle of her attempt s

I woke up one morning knowing I was going to have a bad day. I went to put on my shirt, but when i picked it up, one of the buttons fell off. When i went to put on my pants the button fell off of them too. I went downstairs to eat my breakfast, my toast fell off the plate. By then i was getting very frustrated. I picked up my brief case, and as you have guessed by now, something fell off. I decided to walk to work. When I got in I told my boss, "I've really got to use the bathroom." He said, "Why didn't you use it at home?" I replied, "Because everything I touched, something fell off so I'm afraid."

-The Vain Person One who loves the smell of his own farts. -The Amiable Person One who loves the smell of other people's farts. -The Proud Person One who thinks his farts are exceptionable fine. -The Shy Person One who releases silent farts then blushes. -The Imprudent Person One who boldly farts out loud, and then laughs. -The Unfortunate Person One who tries hard to fart, but shits instead. -The Scientific Person One who farts frequently, but is truly concerned for the environment. -The Nervous Person One who stops in the middle of a fart. -The Honest Person One who admitted he farted, but offers a good medical reason. -The Dishonest Person One who farts but blames the dog. -The Foolish Pe

Q: Why did piglet look in the toilet? A: He was looking for Pooh (poo)

1) If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole. 2) How do you like your eggs: fried, scrambled or fertilized? 3) My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can't hold it in. 4) If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, then could I meet you between the holidays? 5) How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.

At a restaurant, one of the customers noticed that all of the waiters had two spoons in their vest pockets. Upon being asked, one waiter said, "We see that the most frequently dropped silverware are spoons, therefore we keep them for replacement." Then the customer noticed that a string was hanging out of all the waiters' flies and asked what the string was for. "The string is for us to go to the bathroom," explained the waiter, "that way, when we pull it, it shoots and aims right away. Then we don't have to stop to wash our hands." The customer asked, "Well, that's how you get it out, but how do you get it back in?" The waiter whispered confidentially, "I don't know about the others, b

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed. Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint. "Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister. "Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to

A husband and wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local country club. The man and woman meet the pro and head onto the driving range. The man goes up to hit first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards. The golf pro says not bad. Golf pro: "Now hold the club as firm as you hold your wife's breasts". The man follows instructions and hits the ball 300 yards. The golf pro says "Excellent!" Now the woman takes her turn. Her ball goes 30 yards. Golfpro: "Not bad, try holding the club like you hold your husbands dick." She swings and the ball goes 10 yards. Golfpro: "Not bad, but now try taking the club out of your mouth and hit the ball."

Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital. The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample." The old man says, "What?" So the doctor says it again. Once again the old man says, "what?" So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!" With that the old woman turns to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underwear!"

The widow takes a look at her dear departed one right before the funeral and, to her horror, finds that he's in his brown suit. She'd specifically said to the undertaker that she wanted him buried in his blue suit; she'd brought it especially for that occasion, and she was distressed that the mortician had left him in the same brown suit he'd been wearing when the lightning bolt hit him. She demanded that the corpse be changed into the blue suit she'd brought especially for that purpose. The undertaker said, "But madam! It's only a minute or two until the funeral is scheduled to begin! We can't possibly take him out and get him changed in that amount of time. The lady said, "Who's paying f