SPERM 1: Are we EVER going to reach the egg? SPERM 2: Stop moaning, we've only just passed the tonsils.

What's the differance between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The Taste...

A truck driver picks up a woman hitch hiker on the side o the road. He pulls over on the side of the road a few blocks down and the woman asks him what he is doing? He asks her if she wants to have sex? She says "I can't I'm on my period." He says "That doesn't matter." So they get in the back of the cab and he is eating her out. A police officer drives by and sees the truck rocking. So he gets out and knocks on the door of the truck. The truck driver opens the door and asks if he can help the officer. The officer asks him what he is doing? He says licking his fingers "Eating Pizza!"

Four gay guys walk into a gay bar and they find a problem. There's only one stool left. One guy says "Lets flip for it" But another says "No, Lets flip it over"

There are two ants living in a girl's pair of panties. One day they decide to go exploring in the caves. They said to meet back in the same spot in and hour. So, one ant went in one cave, and the other ant in a different cave. After an hour went by, the two ants met back up. One ant was covered in brown, sticky, smelly stuff. "Eeew!, What was your cave like" asked the other ant. "It was nice at first, but it soon became really smelly and the walls were all dark and sticky" replied the ant. "So how was your cave ?". "Well" he said, "It was lovely at first, all pink and warm, but then this bald guy started head butting me and then spitting on me."

A boy of 6 years old never pays attention to his pant's zipper...which is always being left open. Because of this his mother often gets angry. One day some of his relatives plan to visit their city, so his mother advised him that whenever she tells him to "close the Eiffel Tower", it means that he has to close his zipper. His relatives arrive, and after some time, the boy asked his aunti, "Aunti, why did you come here?" His aunti answered, "Dear boy, we came here to see the Eiffel Tower." The boy said in great excitement, pointing towards his zipper, "But aunti, the Eiffel Tower is closed." Aunti replied, "My boy, that is the small Eiffel Tower. I came here to see big one." The boy ans

Try this on a friend: Every time you say something, tell the other to say the same thing and add "bait" at the end. Example: fish --> fish bait fish (fish bait) dolphin (dolphin bait) seal (seal bait) I master (I masturbate!)

A few people wanted to ride a train. They brought the tickets and got on. Then they realized that the train didn't have bathrooms. One passenger had to go and he was not going to get off because the train could leave any moment. So he stuck his butt out the window and was in the middle of his business when suddenly someone annouced,"Hey! The passenger with the big face, you can't stick your head out the window and eat a huge piece of chocolate!!!!"

1.When you walk into the bathroom, shout loudly that you have explosive diarrhea. 2.When on the urinal (make sure someone is next to you), slowly turn your head toward their genital area then swiftly turn your head back and start laughing. 3.Put a mud, corn meal, crushed rotten eggs, animal (or fake) blood and marmite mixture into each one of the toilets. 4.When on the toilet, make loud grunting and straining noises, making sure the person in the stall next to you can hear, then drop a melon into the toilet and give a long relaxing sigh. 5.Repeat #4 only replace the dropping melon with an audio recording of an atomic bomb blast. 6.Take a bag of fake blood or ketchup, and while on the to

One day little Billy went screaming to his mom, "Mommy! Mommy! Theres a shrimp stuck between grandma's legs!" His mother, intruiged by this, brought Billy to grandma, who was sleeping on the bed with her legs apart. The mother looked and laughed and said, "Why, that's not a shrimp! That's her privates, a vagina!" Billy smiled and said, "Really? It sure tastes like shrimp..."

Would you like some chocolate ice cream and lemonade? Yes? Ok! *shits* chocolate ice cream and *pisses* lemonade!that would be $5.00

WARNING:DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE OR EAT OR GO POTTY! A person named tommy had a wife named heather. Whenever Heather came home, She would bring something disguisting. When heather died in a war, Tommy was sad. He said to himself, I MUST DIE IN A TOILET INSTEAD!