Once there was a girl named Maria having her 13th birthday. She had three of her closest friends over. Their names were Jessica, Sarah and Amy. Amy told Maria that she heard weird sounds coming from the closet and she thought there was a ghost in it, but Maria didn't believe her. Next, Sarah told Maria the same, but Maria still didn't believe them. Then Jessica told Maria the same thing too. This time, Maria said "Chill guys! I'll even go to closet and prove that it is safe!" Maria did as she had said and her three friends followed her. Maria turned out to be wrong. There was a strange noise coming from the closet. She listened closely and heard a mysterious voice saying "I've gotcha where

There was a blind guy, walking down the street. He passes a fish market, smells the fish and says," Good morning ladies."

A lady one day decides to place an ad for a good relationship in bed. she said muct not have hands to beat her, must not have feet to walk on her and must be good in bed. one day, the doorbell rang and she answered it. a man with no legs, or hands is there and says " Are u from the ad" she says yeah. she says then " You have no hands so u cant beat me, you have no feet so you wont walk over me, but tell me this... are u good in bed"? he replies "How do u think i rang the doorbell"?

What do you call a black guy and a white guy having sex? mixed nuts.

What do you call a nun's urine? Virgin Lemonade

When the whole class had left the little boy said, "Teacher, give me an A+ on my math test." The teacher then says "No." Then the boy said, "Give me an A, or I'll tell my mom, who will tell my dad, who will tell the principal, and you will get fired. So the teacher finally agrees, and gives him an A on his test. Then the boy says, "Teacher take off your shirt." The teacher says "No!" So the little boy says, "Take off your shirt, or I'll tell my mom, who will tell my dad, who will tell the principal, and you'll get fired. So the teacher takes off her shirt. Then the little boy says, "Take off your pants." But again, the teacher says, "No!" So the little boy says, "Take off your pants or I'll

Birdie Birdie in the sky, Dropped some white stuff in my eye. I'm a big girl, I won't cry. I'm just glad that cows don't fly!

I went to Google Translater to write something to my friend in German. I typed in English: Hey there! I am bored. What do you want to do? It came out in German: Hey dort! ich werde gebohrt, was Sie tun möchten? If I translate it back into English, it comes out: Hey there! I am bored, which you would like to do? I don't want to do anyone!

How do you say constipated in German? farfrompoopin

Matt: I bet you can't spell "I cup." Sarah: I C-U-P Matt: Eww! You see me pee!

I went to a money-making seminar. This man had so much bling he sparkled. I could tell he knew how to make money. He was telling the story of how he worked his way up the corporate ladder from a lowly mail boy, to cubicle, to corner office, to the president of his own very successful business. He went on to tell the whole process of sucking up to the bosses and such. Anyway the way he made most of his money was with his own business. It wasn't persay the way he ran it but the idea behind it. He mass producted one product but sold it as two. He made long rubber open ended cylinders and sold them as a box of 12 condoms for $6 and he sold a bag of balloons for $3. The man was a genius...pure ge

It must suck being a penis because- 1. Your best friends are nuts 2. Your closest neighbour is an asshole 3. You vomit when you're excited 4. Your owner abuses you And if you're in the mood- 5. You work double-duty on Tuesday.