While on the obstacle course in bootcamp, we had to lay on a rope and pull ourselves along. When I got to the other end and got my feet on the ground I asked my M/CPL if I could do that again. When he asked me why, I retorted with, "Well I have a groove down my left nut, I would like to put a groove down my right nut so they would match up again."

A guy's car breaks down in the middle of town, and he looks for a hotel to stay in while he waits for his car to be fixed. He finds a very small hotel and walks in. He asks the man at the counter, "Do you have any rooms available?" The man at the counter says, "Yeah, but don't stick your dick in the 3 holes." "OK." The guy agrees and walks to his room. A couple of days go by and his car is still in the shop. He gets curious and sticks his dick in the first hole. He says, "Ahh,that feels good!" Then he sticks his dick in the second hole, "Ahh,that feels even better!" Then he sticks his dick in the third hole, "OUCH!!My dick!!" He quickly pulled his dick out and it was all bloody. He w

A guy goes to his doctor and says, "Doc, I have a problem." "My girlfriend is sleeping over this Friday, my ex-wife is sleeping over this Saturday and my wife is coming home Sunday." "I need 3 Viagra pills to satisfy them all." The doctor says, "You know 3 Viagra pills 3 nights in a row is pretty dangerous for any man. I will give them to you on the condition that you return to my office on Monday so that I can check you out." The man says, "You have a deal Doc." Monday morning the man returns with his arm in a sling. The doctor asks, "What happened"? The man answered, "Nobody showed up!"

One Side of a Phone Call between James Bond and a Former Sexual Partner Hallo? Is this Giganta? Giganta Loins? Oh, grand! It''s Bond. James Bond? O07? Shaken not stirred? Tuxedo? The trunk-sized jet pack? We had a run in with an Austrian terrorist with the overdeveloped reptilian brain and a predilection for man-eating octopi launching bazookas? Well, contacting you took quite a bit of doing actually. You see, first I tried Giganta Loins. I must have looked in every phone directory that MI-6 could hack into. Then I figured out that Giganta might be a code name. I mean, who has the name Giganta Loins? Rather silly, when you think about it. Yes, yes I suppose you do like it. Anyway, I re

What do starving Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common? They are both living off dead Beatles.

Once there were three teenagers, two boys and one girl. The teenagers wanted to stay in a hotel, so they drove to the nearest one. The hotel owner said, "We only have one more free room, but it is the haunted one." The teenagers didn't care, so they said they'd take it anyway. "It's on the 4th floor." the owner said. Once the teenagers had gotten to the 4th floor, they heard a sound coming from inside of the room. The oldest boy said he'd go in first to see what the sound was. He went inside and heard a high-pitched voice saying, "When the log rolls over, we'll all be dead!" The teenager ran through the window screaming and died. Then the second oldest boy went into the room and heard, "When

Once there was a girl named Maria having her 13th birthday. She had three of her closest friends over. Their names were Jessica, Sarah and Amy. Amy told Maria that she heard weird sounds coming from the closet and she thought there was a ghost in it, but Maria didn't believe her. Next, Sarah told Maria the same, but Maria still didn't believe them. Then Jessica told Maria the same thing too. This time, Maria said "Chill guys! I'll even go to closet and prove that it is safe!" Maria did as she had said and her three friends followed her. Maria turned out to be wrong. There was a strange noise coming from the closet. She listened closely and heard a mysterious voice saying "I've gotcha where

There was a blind guy, walking down the street. He passes a fish market, smells the fish and says," Good morning ladies."

A lady one day decides to place an ad for a good relationship in bed. she said muct not have hands to beat her, must not have feet to walk on her and must be good in bed. one day, the doorbell rang and she answered it. a man with no legs, or hands is there and says " Are u from the ad" she says yeah. she says then " You have no hands so u cant beat me, you have no feet so you wont walk over me, but tell me this... are u good in bed"? he replies "How do u think i rang the doorbell"?

What do you call a black guy and a white guy having sex? mixed nuts.

What do you call a nun's urine? Virgin Lemonade

When the whole class had left the little boy said, "Teacher, give me an A+ on my math test." The teacher then says "No." Then the boy said, "Give me an A, or I'll tell my mom, who will tell my dad, who will tell the principal, and you will get fired. So the teacher finally agrees, and gives him an A on his test. Then the boy says, "Teacher take off your shirt." The teacher says "No!" So the little boy says, "Take off your shirt, or I'll tell my mom, who will tell my dad, who will tell the principal, and you'll get fired. So the teacher takes off her shirt. Then the little boy says, "Take off your pants." But again, the teacher says, "No!" So the little boy says, "Take off your pants or I'll