Q: Why was Raggedy Anne kicked out of the toypen? A: Because she kept sitting on Pinnochio's face saying, "Lie to me, lie to me!"

How many feet does a black rooster have? How many wings does a black rooster have? How many heads does a black rooster have? How many hairs are on the back of a white cat? Why is it that you know more about a black cock rather than a white pussy?

Q> Why did Pepsi hire Michael Jackson to do commercials again? A> Because they wanted someone to suck that little boy back out of the bottle.

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag..." "Damn!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!" "Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?" "Did you steal it?" "Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium.Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes

If Jack helped you off your horse, later would you return the favor and help Jack off his horse?

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it. 2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore. 3. It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow. 4. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me. 5. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night. 6. And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence. 7. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife. 8. My lavatory sea

While on the obstacle course in bootcamp, we had to lay on a rope and pull ourselves along. When I got to the other end and got my feet on the ground I asked my M/CPL if I could do that again. When he asked me why, I retorted with, "Well I have a groove down my left nut, I would like to put a groove down my right nut so they would match up again."

A guy's car breaks down in the middle of town, and he looks for a hotel to stay in while he waits for his car to be fixed. He finds a very small hotel and walks in. He asks the man at the counter, "Do you have any rooms available?" The man at the counter says, "Yeah, but don't stick your dick in the 3 holes." "OK." The guy agrees and walks to his room. A couple of days go by and his car is still in the shop. He gets curious and sticks his dick in the first hole. He says, "Ahh,that feels good!" Then he sticks his dick in the second hole, "Ahh,that feels even better!" Then he sticks his dick in the third hole, "OUCH!!My dick!!" He quickly pulled his dick out and it was all bloody. He w

A guy goes to his doctor and says, "Doc, I have a problem." "My girlfriend is sleeping over this Friday, my ex-wife is sleeping over this Saturday and my wife is coming home Sunday." "I need 3 Viagra pills to satisfy them all." The doctor says, "You know 3 Viagra pills 3 nights in a row is pretty dangerous for any man. I will give them to you on the condition that you return to my office on Monday so that I can check you out." The man says, "You have a deal Doc." Monday morning the man returns with his arm in a sling. The doctor asks, "What happened"? The man answered, "Nobody showed up!"

One Side of a Phone Call between James Bond and a Former Sexual Partner Hallo? Is this Giganta? Giganta Loins? Oh, grand! It''s Bond. James Bond? O07? Shaken not stirred? Tuxedo? The trunk-sized jet pack? We had a run in with an Austrian terrorist with the overdeveloped reptilian brain and a predilection for man-eating octopi launching bazookas? Well, contacting you took quite a bit of doing actually. You see, first I tried Giganta Loins. I must have looked in every phone directory that MI-6 could hack into. Then I figured out that Giganta might be a code name. I mean, who has the name Giganta Loins? Rather silly, when you think about it. Yes, yes I suppose you do like it. Anyway, I re

What do starving Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common? They are both living off dead Beatles.

Once there were three teenagers, two boys and one girl. The teenagers wanted to stay in a hotel, so they drove to the nearest one. The hotel owner said, "We only have one more free room, but it is the haunted one." The teenagers didn't care, so they said they'd take it anyway. "It's on the 4th floor." the owner said. Once the teenagers had gotten to the 4th floor, they heard a sound coming from inside of the room. The oldest boy said he'd go in first to see what the sound was. He went inside and heard a high-pitched voice saying, "When the log rolls over, we'll all be dead!" The teenager ran through the window screaming and died. Then the second oldest boy went into the room and heard, "When