The Real Meanings

-- Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs. -- Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. -- Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. -- Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. -- Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown. -- Lymph (v.), to walk with a limp. -- Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash. -- Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. -- Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. -- Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with 'Yiddishisms'. -- Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.