Strategic Responses to "Do I Look Fat?"

Strategic responses to the ever-dangerous "Do I look Fat" question: "No, not to Stevie Wonder." "No babe, you're not fat, you're fluffy." "Does this tie make me look stupid?" "No hablo ingles." "If I answer that question, my life will be in danger." "Let me jog around to your front and take a look." "No, honey. But just to be safe, steer clear of one-legged sea captains." "May I consult a lawyer before answering that?" "Look at your belt size honey, if it says 'equator' on the tag you know the answer."