Men and Women

I. Why does a man wants to have a WIFE? Because: W = Washing I = Ironing F = Food E = Entertainment. Why does a woman wants to have a HUSBAND? Because: H = Housing U = Understanding S = Sharing B = Buying A = and N = Never D = Demanding. II. HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN: Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her. HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN: Show up naked. Bring Beer. III. How To Impress A Man: Trust him, cook at least 3 meals a day, go shopping often, don't ask him for the money, smile when you are mad, give him your paychecks, talk softly, don't ask where he is on Friday/Saturday/Sunday, love him, always say 'Yes dear', believe in his gambling, iron his clothes, polish his shoes, clean the house, know many recipes, pretend you enjoy beer/wine, be independent, wear Victoria's Secret clothes How To Impress A Women Make money & give her the money! IV. Women's English... Yes = No. No = Yes. Maybe = No. I'm sorry = You'll be sorry. We need = I want. It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. We need to talk = I need to complain. Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to. I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs. This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house. I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper... Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep. Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive. How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like. I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV. You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me. Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead! Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep. I'm not yelling! = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is important. Do what you want = You'll pay for this later. Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.